Actually this is the first of Patty’s posts that really caught my attention.  Patty had told me how anxious she was about her kids reaction to her abandoning them for a whole week. I in turn was anxious to hear how it went.

I was also anxious about how the trip was going to go.  I was bringing together for a weeks vacation five strangers chosen only on the basis of their comments on my blog and expecting something magical too happen. Even I am not crazy enough to think that it was a sure thing.  When I read Separation Anxiety (Mine), I felt sure that we were off to a good start.

Finally I want to recommend that you continue to follow Patty on her blog Facing Forty Upside Down.  Patty says her blog is about, “about learning things she never got around to learning as a kid now that she’s hurtling into middle age.”  True enough, but it is also about strength, anxiety, vulnerability, honesty,  courage, and the never ending process of growing up.  It is also a very good read.

Separation Anxiety (Mine)

Patty Chang Anker

“When are we going to tell the kids?” DH (dear husband) asked.  Tell the kids that they’re going with Daddy to visit Grandma while Mom goes on a trip without them?  Are you kidding me? What’s the rush?

I’ve never done this before, gone for 6 days without them.

When each girl was new to me, in my arms at last, I never wanted to be apart.  The promises made and the miles traveled for their adoptions were so fresh, so much lost time to make up for.  Finally a family, finally a home – why separate, at all?

As they grew, the needs became more, not less.  Neither G nor R could sleep through the night, so many worries, so many fears.  Every day, each transition, each new situation needed to be prepared for, managed, and reviewed.  For R, multiple food allergies meant constant vigilence.  For G, the lack of impulse control associated with ADHD and TS meant I was her frontal lobe, anticipating and diffusing triggers, coaching her interactions with the outside world.  “You make me safe,” she would say, over and over.  How could I leave?

Of course I did leave them at times with relatives – a day here, two there – and they were always fine.  Armed with my memos full of schedules, behavior plans, ”If…Then” statements covering every scenario, grandparents, aunts and uncles always figured it out.

But 6 days!  There aren’t enough “If…Then” statements in the world to cover everything that could happen in 6 days!  This time, I have to surrender.  To trust that everyone is going to do fine without me.  That DH and Grandma may enjoy stepping up, that the kids may learn and grow and speak for themselves, in a way they can’t if I’m there.

Still, I dread telling them the news.

When I do, G and R are thrilled about going to Grandma’s, and getting to fly on TWO planes.  Then, the realization sets in.

“Wait.  You mean you’re not coming with us?”  G asks.

I cringe. “Right.”

G thinks.  “So we’re allowed to buy a souvenir, right?”

“Sure.”

“And are YOU going to bring us souvenirs from your trip?”

“Yes, of course.”

“OK.  Cool!”

Suddenly, 9 year-old G grows up before my eyes.

And I am now free to pack.

Want to find out what happened when Patty got home.  Click here.

If you want to read about Patty’s Trip of a Lifetime from the beginning with out my interruptions, click here.